"You have a traitor, there"

"'You have a traitor there, Aslan,' said the Witch. Of course everyone present knew that she meant Edmund. But Edmund had got past thinking about himself after all he’d been through and after the talk he’d had that morning. He just went on looking at Aslan. It didn’t seem to matter what the Witch said."

-C.S. Lewis, The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe

I just finished this book... and out of the whole thing this is the part that stood out to me the most. It is right after Edmund is rescued from the White Witch and is back with Aslan and his siblings. The White Witch has requested an audience with Aslan to remind him of the Deep Magic, in which every traitor belongs to her and is her prey to kill.

Her words- "You have a traitor there, Aslan" are meant to cut, meant to shame. They are meant to make Edmund squirm and for Aslan and the rest of the good creatures to scorn Edmund. But that doesn't happen. Instead, Edmund just keeps his eyes focused on Aslan, so overtaken by the rescue and his conversation with Aslan afterwards. The Witch tried to shame him, tried to feed him lies about who he was, tried to bring up his past, but it didn't seem to matter. All that mattered to Edmund now was Aslan.

Sound like a familiar scenario? It does to me. I am Edmund! I am that traitor. For all the times that I have seen the movie or heard the story, I have always been the one to scorn Edmund, to shame him. How I hated him! How could he possibly betray Aslan, his siblings, and all things good all for a tin of Turkish Delight and empty promises of power? But I think the reason I hated him so was because I saw some of my own self in him. I saw that I am just as prone to betray, to turn my back on the wonderfulness that is Jesus and all that he has to offer, all for a cheap imitation, a pile of rubbish in comparison. But like Aslan, Jesus gave his life for me so that I could live, so that I could change, and so that I could become a true daughter of the king. And when I see that, it doesn't seem to matter what the Devil says.

He's not safe, but He's good

Jesus is SO GOOD! He has been teaching me so much these last couple weeks, revealing Himself in big and little ways, constantly beside me, reminding me that He's got this. Reminding me of His goodness, His power, and most of all, His unimaginable love for me. I love that I get to live in this! That I get to experience His constant reminders. There's a quote about Aslan, the lion from "The Chronicles of Narnia" that I love... "He's not safe, but He's good." How true this is of my God. Over and over again He is good. He's not safe, He's not about getting my way or being comfortable. But HE IS GOOD.

This semester has been so weird. I'm just seven months from graduating, I think something like 20 weeks of school left in my undergrad career. And it's in these circumstances that I find Jesus changing me, repositioning me, and being Himself... being good. Right as anxiety begins to set in, He snatches it away and replaces it with wisdom and peace. Right as pride starts to creep up, He humbles me and shows me my smallness, my brokenness. And right as despair tries to take hold in my soul, He comes riding in, saving me from my flesh and once again declaring His goodness over me. As I look ahead into this next chapter in my life, all I can say is, He is good.

“There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.”
― C.S. Lewis

A work in progress

"Remember not the former things,
nor consider the things of old.
 Behold, I am doing a new thing;
now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?
I will make a way in the wilderness
and rivers in the desert."

Isaiah 43:18-19

I am in a constant state of being sanctified, changed, taught, and molded. Praise the Lord that He loves me too much to keep me where I am. Now, I just need to remember to not dwell on the former things and instead focus on what He is doing in my life now, how he is bringing forth a new thing.

Early Mornings

So last night was the first in a four-week series that will be happening this summer at VYC. It was sooo great to get to see everyone from youth group again and just be able to re-connect. And one of my favorite parts of the night is usually at the end, after all the plans and activities are over. It's when I get a little bit of face-to-face time with a girl or two. When I get to listen and talk and pray and just walk alongside them.

And last night was a particularly good conversation. Because normally when this young lady and I talk, we just end up kinda going in circles. It seems we are often going through the same things in our relationship with Christ, which is good, but can also be difficult. It's like we're both in a pit at the same time and can't get out or even see anything above... it would be so much more helpful if one of us was at the top of the pit offering a hand up! But that's not how it's been, so we normally just ask each other a lot of questions and don't come up with a whole lotta answers.

We've both been frustrated with how we live our lives vs. how we know how our lives could be. We've struggled through praying and being in the word with our short attention spans and constant distractions. We yearn for deep intimacy with Christ while striving to figure out how to get it. So last night I decided that I'd had enough of talking in circles and questions with no answers. I proposed one week of spending at least 2 hours with Jesus in the morning.

So this morning my alarm went off at 6 am. And wow am I not a morning person. So my first two hours went a little like this:

Do my Experiencing God study. Get distracted by my toenail. Clip it. Read the Bible. My finger hurts. What is that? A sliver? Oh... back to reading. I'm hungry. Ok let's journal now. Put the date... 7/11. OH! It's my friend's birthday. Well that's distracting. Text them to get it off my mind. Continue journaling. Wow I'm really hungry. Get a bagel from the fridge, toast it, and lather on some good ol' cream cheese. Back to Jesus. Attempt a "Pray for an Hour" little hand-out I have. 15 minutes later apparently my eyes think it's nap time. Shake myself awake, go to the bathroom to wash my face in hopes that will wake me up. Come back. Finish praying. DONE.

Wow. It was a little hectic to say the least. I find myself getting so distracted, and then getting frustrated with myself when I do! But then after all this, I had a bit of time after getting ready for work, so I read a bit of a "The Me I Want to Be" by John Ortberg... and it was talking about just that! Ortberg suggested that instead of getting frustrated, you use them as prayers!

 "I used to think of those kind of thoughts [distractions, worries, etc.] as obstacles to prayer, but I have come to think of them as prayers waiting to be offered. Maybe the reason they pop into my mind is not simply my short attention span, but rather what my mind is really concerned about. Instead of trying to suppress these thoughts, it is better to begin to talk to God about them."

So I will be applying this new-found theory to my date with Jesus tomorrow. And I will also will be going to bed earlier.

Holy Counterculture

"Let's be a holy counterculture."

-Shane Claiborne

A counterculture is a cultural group that runs counter to those in the social mainstream. To those in the world. But living as a holy counterculture is a choice we have to make.

Being a part of a counterculture isn't an easy thing. We get ridiculed, questioned, and looked down upon. Our plans are seen as impractical. Because our plans are formed by a God who isn't limited by human practicality. We get to be divine troublemakers, just like Jesus. We fight for the poor, the hungry, the sick. We become a part of God's redemptive plan for the world. We do things because it's what we were made for. We find our identity in our Father. We remember who we are. We realize that our view of God is one of the most important things about us. So we search after that. We seek Christ with all we are. We are empowered to live a holy life because of God's grace. We live by the spirit by understanding who we are. By learning how God views us. We have discipline in the ordinary, day-to-day life so that we can have courage in the extraordinary days. We seek out God's dream for our lives. We ask God what He wants us to do, then we join Him on His mission.

Living as a holy counterculture is not normal. It's not our flesh's first desire. It's not easy when others aren't doing the same. But that's why it's a counterculture. That's what Jesus has called us to. It's a lot of obedience, but also a lot of intimacy. Intimacy with our Savior, our Creator. And when I remember that the God of Ages delights in me, oh it just becomes so much clearer. It becomes a relationship, a precious calling, rather than a bunch of rules. It becomes a privilege, not an obligation. It becomes my desire.

Let's be a holy counterculture.

[These are just some of the ideas I took away from Desperation Conference]

Passion

...or at the very least, boring.

Joy

What brings you joy in life? Are you doing it?

Now is RIGHT on Time

So true. It can be so incredibly easy to look back on our journey and say "I wish...." or "If only..." or "What if..." But those things didn't happen. Things hardly ever happen the way we had planned. But then, that's why God's ways are higher than mine and his thoughts higher than my thoughts. That's why He's God, and I am Heather. Because even when things don't turn out the way I had planned, He uses them to draw me closer to Him, to shape me, to change me, to mold me. I just need to be patient, be still, and know that He is God.

In this home...

This WILL be a wall in my house someday.

Life Pursuits

There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few that will catch your heart... pursue those.

-Author Unknown

God of Mystery

"Does it make sense to pray for guidance about the future if we are not obeying in the thing that lies before us today? How many momentous events in Scripture depended on one person's seemingly small act of obedience! Rest assured: Do what God tells you to do now, and, depend upon it, you will be shown what to do next."

- Elisabeth Elliot

What a great reminder! It can be so easy for me to get impatient with God because I feel like He isn't answering my prayers about the future. But if I'm not even obeying Him in what He's given me today, why should I be trusted with the things for tomorrow? I have been realizing more and more that God is a god of mystery. He likes revealing things as we need them, not as we think we need them. And often we think we need them long before we actually do. So when I am faithful in obeying what God has for me NOW, then He is faithful in revealing what I need for the next step. He isn't usually the type to give away the ending... where would the fun in that be anyway? :)